June Letter
Procrastinate (verb) - to put off or defer until another time.
To some degree I’ve done it my whole life—not to the point of completely missing an opportunity but rather just delaying things until the time seemed right to start them. Homework, housework, business projects and various Jane Fonda workout videos have all fallen victim over the years to my assorted excuses for waiting.
Recently, however, I’ve been reminded of the fact that our time isn’t infinite. When we’re young, we seem to have all the time in the world. But as we get older, it simply goes by faster than it should. Weekends fly by. Our kids grow up too fast. Sometimes lives are cut short—both literally and figuratively.
My parents divorced when I was four years old. Life and circumstances in general were such that I never really developed a robust relationship with my dad. It was ok, though. Kids are adaptive that way, and I was certainly no exception. But as a young adult, I had the opportunity to get to know him again. It could be awkward and at times felt a bit disjointed but it was certainly better than nothing. We actually had several things in common and I enjoyed our new relationship.
About a year ago, he mentioned in passing that he had a nagging sore throat that wouldn’t go away. Down south, it could easily be chalked up to allergies. Since we only talked every now and then, it didn’t really register to me as being an epic problem but rather a random topic of conversation only to be followed by how my family was getting along and how his business was doing.
It was an evening several months later though, this past November to be exact, that time momentarily stood still. A mutual acquaintance of my father’s and mine, one I had not seen in ages and had no idea I’d bump into, asked me in the most pensive way, with brows furrowed, “How is your dad?” I could tell by the look on her face that it wasn’t one of those mindless “momma-and-them” type inquiries, and before she could even get the next words out of her mouth, I felt tears stinging the corners of my eyes. “How was chemo?” she asked. I mean, I was supposed to know, right? I am his daughter, after all. And in the blink of an eye, this woman revealed something to me I knew nothing about.
Had I managed to procrastinate away my entire future with this man? Had I waited too long? Was I so busy living my own life that I had missed a critical part of his?
Fast forward. Just a few weeks ago, on a beautiful spring morning, the father of one of my closest friends suffered a fatal heart attack while playing tennis. In an instant he was gone. And while she is understandably crushed over his loss, she didn’t miss out on her life with him. She made the effort necessary to have him be a part of her world and that of her family and children’s lives. It is a poignant lesson that is begging for my attention. Even more poignant was that I was asked to help write his obituary. God does these things on purpose, you know. He nudges us in ways to which we must be open.
So the night before I wrote this column, I received an email from my dad. It said, “Hi cutie! Your magazine looks really spiffy this month (referring to the May issue). I especially like the family photo on your GM letter page.” It occurs to me how long it’s been since we’ve seen him. I need to do something about that.
The bad news is that my father was diagnosed with stage-four throat cancer. The good news is that after 12 chemotherapy sessions and 39 radiation treatments, he appears to be cancer-free. I don’t know if he was saved for his own sake or for mine, but I figure if you’ve been given a second chance at life, you’d best take it. It’s our second chance. Today I’m writing about life. What a blessing.
So in June we celebrate Father’s Day. I suppose I celebrated back in November when I reached out to him immediately and reconnected. It’s hard to admit that it could have happened this way, but it did. We cleared the proverbial cobwebs and have been given an unprecedented opportunity to start over. What people forget is that just because circumstances consume our past doesn’t mean we can’t have a future. It’s reckless to put off until tomorrow what can be done today. What if there’s not a tomorrow? What if we continue to wait?
My heart breaks for my friend who lost her daddy. If for no other reason, I should honor the relationship that she had with him by taking advantage of the additional time I’ve been given with my own. There’s the nudge. I’m thankful to have been given another chance.
Thank you for reading this month’s issue of VIP Jackson Magazine. It’s great having you as one of our readers. Enjoy!
